How To Heal That Inner Kid

Full disclosure. This isn’t mind blowing and this isn’t new information. You’ve probably heard it before. But it just might be the information you need to hear in this moment. Often times we’ve heard the advice, tips or suggestions a million times before, but if we aren’t READY to receive them, we don’t.

Last night I had a dream about a previous partner. It was nothing nefarious, just an aerial view of him working on designing a building in Europe somewhere. I was just watching as he puttered around the site, reviewed the documents, and admired the work.

But that dream triggered me in a way I wasn’t expecting in the wee, wee hours of the morning.

See, we dated in high school. He was older than me, and we may have been in love. He was a wonderful, caring man- but when he graduated he started talking about marriage, a family- big commitments for someone still going to high school parties, and being silly on band trips. I ended the relationship and felt awful about it for a long time. My family had loved him, and stayed in touch with him. He would drop off flowers for my Mom at Christmas. An amazing guy, just not MY guy at that place in my life. I felt so much guilt, and shame around that relationship, and in that lucid moment in the middle of the night I realized that I’ve been holding myself hostage all these years over a choice my younger self made in that moment in tie. I’ve let those feelings of not wanting to create pain in others- like I did to him, even if it wasn’t in my best interest- confine me. I’ve let the fear of letting others down control me. I’ve created a prison for myself, and held myself hostage for years over a choice my younger self made.

This is where it gets a bit woo-woo so bear with me.

I saw that heartbroken and hurting 16 year old in my minds eye and told her it was ok. I told her that I understood. I gave us permission to forgive ourselves for a decision we made in that moment of time. I let her feel all those feelings- and then I felt liberated. I wasn’t going to let myself be bound by decisions I made as a youth. I was giving myself permission to choose differently for myself going forward.

See, I told you it wasn’t crazy new ideas. This is all old hat stuff you’ve heard before. But now’s the right time for you to listen.

So how can you offer yourself that same gift of forgiveness? Let’s walk through it together by connecting with your inner little dude or dudette.

1.       Get yourself into a safe and comfortable space. Do a full body scan and notice how you are feeling.

2.       Set the intention to connect to your inner kid- try not to set an age or a limit initially, just be open to what comes.

3.       Notice what your first impressions are. Some people will connect through visual images, some through sounds, some through just a sense. However the information comes to you, is the right way for you to receive it.

4.       Take note of what kinds of thoughts, emotions, physical sensations or memories you connect with and let yourself just experience it- it’s good to just observe and experience.

5.       There’s a few things you can do from here- if you’re feeling safe and comfortable you can engage in a dialogue. Imagine how you would speak to a child if they were in that situation, show yourself the same compassion, love and forgiveness with your words. If you need to take a moment and step away you can slowly orient yourself to the present moment and when you feel ready you can journal or write a letter to your self.

6.        Treat yourself kindly in the moments, hours, days, or weeks that follow an activity like this. Drink lots of water. Practice self love and compassion. Sometimes when we shift those strong and heavy beliefs that hold us back it can manifest in feeling physically unwell. Listen to your body and rest as you need.

Remember that the end goal is to find a way to forgive, nurture, validate, reassure, love and move forward from an experience where you did the best you could with the tools and skills you had available at the time, knowing you most likely were experiencing some serious emotion.

 Any time I do any time of energy or emotional work I try to find a phrase or affirmation to summarize the experience, and help anchor that change going forward. This can be anything that feels positive and supportive for you.

Today, for me, it was about letting go of the guilt, shame, anger, and fear from that one moment, and one decision that’s held me hostage all these years and this is my affirmation.

  The choices of my past do not define the choices for my present, or my future.

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